Ramblings of a Paranoid Insomniac

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I get a bonus if I get a certain number of people to join. Click the link to start your collection.

Happy Mastication of Products Made of Sugar, Milk Chocolate and other Such Substances that Happen to Be Shaped Like Long-Eared Mammals Who Eat Green Leafy Stuff Day.

Heh!

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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Please be advised that you have been invited to attend the "SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING" (S.H.I.T.) program which will enable you to attain the highest levels of work quality and productivity in the IT industry. It is our primary objective to equip all employees with more S.H.I.T. than anyone else in the industry.

Employees who have previously undergone this program and are already full of S.H.I.T. are qualified to train others on the basic rudiments of the program called "BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING PROGRAM" (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). For details, please see :

DIRECTOR of INTENSITY PROGRAMMING SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.)

Please be warned that any employee who fails to S.H.I.T. will be automatically placed on "DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION & PROBATION of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING PROGRAM" (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.)

Furthermore, any employee who fails to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to take the one month comprehensive course on "EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING" (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.)

Should you require clarifications on this matter, please direct them to :

HEAD OF TRAINING SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T. )

For your compliance.

Boss-in-General, Special High Intensity Training (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)

Cat Macros!!!

Got some new ones finally!

It's Groundhog Day!

D.J. #1: Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today.
D.J. #2: It's coooold out there every day. What is this, Miami Beach?
D.J. #1: Not hardly. And you know, you can expect hazardous travel later today with that, you know, that, uh, that blizzard thing.
D.J. #2: [mockingly] That blizzard - thing. That blizzard - thing. Oh, well, here's the report! The National Weather Service is calling for a "big blizzard thing!"
D.J. #1: Yessss, they are. But you know, there's another reason why today is especially exciting.
D.J. #2: Especially cold!
D.J. #1: Especially cold, okay, but the big question on everybody's lips...
D.J. #2: - On their chapped lips...
D.J. #1: - On their chapped lips, right: Do ya think Phil is gonna come out and see his shadow?
D.J. #2: Punxsutawney Phil!
D.J. #1: That's right, woodchuck-chuckers - it's...
D.J. #1, D.J. #2: [in unison] GROUNDHOG DAY!

Happiness is the love of a man who opens doors for me.

My youngest isn't speaking to me at the moment. I'm finally taking control of my life and I served Him with divorce papers today. When I told my son that his father was going to have to move out, he got upset with me and now refuses to speak to me. I understand his anger and hurt, but I can't live in misery and pain and depression anymore. I just can't. It's time for me to grab my piece of the happiness pie. I just wish Tyler would understand that. It hurts that he's mad at me, I can't stand it when either of my kids are mad at me, but this is something that I felt was finally the right time to do.

For the first time in a very long time, I'm being selfish and thinking about me for a change. I found someone who loves me unconditionally, faults and all and he makes me beyond happy.

I mean he opens doors for me and he gets angry at me when I do it myself. He is totally old school romance. What's not to love about that?

DarkestMidnight.com

If anyone tries to access my website, darkestmidnight.com today, you will be unable to do so until 8 pm Eastern time.

Thank you and good day.

New Adoptees...

I am so addicted to these types of games, lol.

World of Umbria

Free At Last - part 2

Title: Free At Last
Author: Lady B
Characters: ---
Summary: Harry's had enough.
Rating: ---
Genre: Pre-6th Year AU
Warnings: Language
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and plots from the Harry Potterverse belong to JK Rowling and various publishing companies and movie studios. I am not making any money from this. I am simply doing this for the fun of it. Any plot devices and original characters belong to me alone and are simply a figment of my imagination.

- - -

One Year Later...

At first, the high crumbling walls guarding a seemingly old castle located on the outskirts of the city of Great Barrington looked like any other rundown building...but if one knew where to look, the view behind the walls was much better than the view from the street.



Stepping through the rusted gate, first timers eyes would simply light up in delight at the beautiful castle surrounded on all four sides by massive green lawns and sprawling with trees in each direction. The sign prominently displayed near the no-longer rusted gate told visitors able to see and use magic that they were now on the grounds of the Berkshires National Magic Academy of Greater Massachusetts. Glancing around, students of all shapes, sizes, nationalities and modes of dress wandered the grounds or sat beneath trees with friends, discussing their day, working on their homework or relaxing. A slight breeze ruffled hair and clothing but the temperatures were warm and inviting.

One such student sat upon the steps in front of the main entrance, glancing in the book upon his lap with a single-minded concentration, a wand clutched tightly in his left hand as he practiced. If one were to watch closely, they would begin to see streams of red, gold, silver and blue lights oozing from the tip of the wand as he slowly rotated his arm in a counter-clockwise direction. He glanced up to check his progress, his bright green eyes sparkling with delight as he realized his practicing had been successful.

"Hey, brainiac! I see you managed to do the Effluere Lemniscus* charm." some called out to him. The young man looked up at that and smiled, seeing his friend coming toward him.

"Yeah. I had a mishap in the dorm so came outside to practice." the young man laughed.

"Do I want to know?"

"Um...your comforter is no longer yellow?" was the chuckled reply. His companion groaned.

"What color is it now?"

"A cross between a puke green and a blood orange."

"I'll have to check it out when I go in." the other shrugged.

"I could probably change it back, Decon."

"Ah, no worries, Henry. I never liked that yellow anyway so anything you do to it will be an improvement." A chime sounded, echoing across the grounds. Decon and Henry both stood, heading inside. Decon headed for the Eating Hall while Henry headed for the dorms to drop off his books before joining his friends for lunch.

- - -

Now it was a well-known fact that the day after his flight from Hogwarts that Harry Potter was headed for California. Albus had taken steps to ensure that his people would be the one to meet the boy when he stepped from the plane, convinced that Harry could be persuaded to return to Scotland to fulfill his role in the war. But what was not known was that a storm had forced the plane carrying Harry Potter to make an emergency stop in Pennsylvania. Going on gut instinct, Harry had decided to get off the plane there and stay for a bit. He purchased a bus ticket under the name of 'Henry John Blackstone' that was headed for Salem, Massachusetts. Once there, he headed for the magical part of the city, happy to have found a local branch of Gringotts Bank that was run by a friendlier and more discrete set of goblins than the ones back home. While there, he learned that the United States had very strict confidentiality laws and that no one would know who he really was unless he told them himself. Secure in that knowledge, he paid a small fee to have his family's money moved to the United States banks and to have all the necessary paperwork drawn up in his new name, including his school and medical transcripts. The goblins reassured him before he left that no one would be getting any information about his whereabouts and his name change without his express permission. With a list of local schools in his hands and feeling better than he had in years, Harry stepped from the doors of the bank, secure in the knowledge that his future was going to be a brighter one than he'd ever thought it would be.

- - -

Meanwhile...back in Britain...the goblins at Gringotts were in a panic. Several high security vaults had disappeared during the night and it was as if the knowledge had been wiped from the minds of those who knew what those vaults contained and who they had belonged to. Searching their files, they also discovered that the paperwork associated with the vaults had vanished as well. Ragnarok, the senior manager, was very worried about this breach in security and ordered an immediate accounting of all remaining vaults.

It was into this chaos that Albus appeared with Harry's vault key. He needed to take out more money for Order business. Ignoring the frantically rushing goblins, he stepped up to a booth and placed the key on the counter. "I wish to make a withdrawal from this vault please." He announced. The goblin stared at the key for a moment before he snarled at Albus. Surprised, Albus stepped back a foot. "Is there a problem?"

"Where did you get this key?" the goblin demanded, quickly slapping a hand over the key on the counter so Albus had no way of taking it back.

"It was entrusted to me by the parents of one of my students." Albus stated. The goblin grunted and turned to speak to another goblin who had been standing behind him. That goblin's eyes widened in shock before he ran off to track down the senior manager. It was but a moment later that he returned with Ragnarok in attendance. The booth goblin stepped away, passing the key to his boss with a nod.

"Headmaster Dumbledore, were you aware of the fact that this key is fraudulent?" the bank's manager asked with a scowl. Startled, Albus sputtered.

"That can't be! I've been using this key for the last 15 years!"

"Well I do not know who's vault you have been taking money from but I assure you, sir, this key doesn't belong to any vault we currently house."

"What? But, that's the Potter family vault key! James Potter set it up for his son's Hogwarts schooling!"

"Sir, there is no Potter vault. Now I will not ask but this once. Who's key is this?"

"That key belongs to Lord Harry James Potter, Last Heir of The Most Ancient and Nobel House of Potter." Albus stated.

"And I say once more...we have no vaults attached to the name 'Potter' within this bank." Ragnarok scowled. He pressed a button beneath the counter that Albus was not aware of and a moment later, several Aurors had surrounded the headmaster, wands drawn.

"Sir, you're going to have to come with us." one of them stated.

"May I ask why?" Albus demanded.

"For suspicion of committing fraud and identity theft."

"I see." Albus stated, trying to think of a way to get out of this so he could investigate what had happened. One of the Aurors, who was an empath, sensed the direction of his thoughts and quickly stunned him. When asked why she did it, she told her commanding officer that no one, not even the great Albus Dumbledore, was held above the law. She received a commendation for her quick thinking...

- - -

*Effluere Lemniscus - Ribbon of Light